Mastering Congruent Living, the Secret to true life harmony

Congruence, such a powerful word and the ‘C’ of my C.A.R.E Framework…
Congruent comes from the Latin verb congruere “to come together, correspond with.” Figuratively, the word describes something that is similar in character or type.
Congruence is a term used by Carl Rogers (a humanistic psychologist) to describe a state in which a person’s ideal self and actual experience are consistent or very similar.

Being congruent is about being honest with yourself, self-trust and authentic with others, committing to doing exactly what you are going to do, walk the walk and talk the talk, as well as acting in a manner consistent with your values.

But it’s not that easy, is it to be authentic? When I was about 8 years old, I was bullied at school, by one girl. Yes, not a gang of kids, not a big strong older boy; one girl, same age, same size, same colour eyes, and she made my life hell for 7 years. I had never felt so lonely. Every day, I was trying to be a different person to please that girl, so she would talk to me or let anyone else in the class talk to me. I was giving my pens, my books, my sweets, in hope that she’d be my friend for a few days or even a few hours. Almost 40 years ago and I can still feel those anxious, stressful emotions when I think about her, and then I changed to my catering school in Nice, this was the first time I could be myself.

However, this situation isn’t just at school! we could all feel that way in the workplace, how can we truly be ourselves? Well the very first thing to do is to be very clear about our values what is true to us and what is not negotiable. Then, being very clear about our Purpose, our Vision, our Mission, why you do what you do. Tony Robbins said: ‘All human behaviour revolves around the urge gain pleasure or avoid pain. You pull away from a lighted match in order to avoid the pain of burning your hand. You sit and watch a beautiful sunset because you get pleasure from the glorious celestial show as day glides into night.’ 

If you don’t know your purpose, Simon’s Sinek ‘Start with the why’ exercise is an amazing way to find your Why, how and what. I would also suggest you’d also download my Eulogy exercise and this will help you visualize who you truly want to be. When setting empowering, positive goals and getting greater clarity on vision and direction, a ‘moving towards’ perspective is the way to go. When we are able to focus on what we positively want, we open ourselves up to the freedom, creativity, imagination and unrestricted opportunities this affords! Creating a vision based on aspirations and positivity and not on barriers or avoidance is empowering and inspiring. 

When you are congruent, people trust you and you inspire others; congruency attracts you to another person. People want to be around people who are congruent. Customers buy from congruent sales assistants. People seek friends who conduct themselves congruently. Students are inspired by congruent teachers. Congruency leads to attraction and connection… Life is about people, life is about relationships, Relationship is the biggest game on the planet and we are in rapport to everything that surrounds us. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our most basic need is for physical survival, e.g. air, food, drink, shelter, clothing, warmth, sex, sleep, ect, this will be the first thing that motivates our behaviour, once an individual’s physiological needs are satisfied, the needs for security and safety become salient. People want to experience order, predictability and control in their lives. The environment with which we surround ourselves is very a direct expression of where we are emotionally and our state. If our environment is a mess, we tend to lose things. If we are disorganized, work will pile up. If we are feeling disconnected, the emails will remain unreturned. Create meaningful places where you feel good and feel safe.

Do you live a congruent, harmonious life?

Do you know your purpose and live on purpose every day?

Do you follow up on anything you say, act quickly and effectively?

Are you confident, eager, excited and absolutely passionate? When you do, can you just feel the energy within you and also the impression and energy you shine on others?

This is the secret of being authentic…

It’s time to take C.A.R.E of yourself and your employees so you can grow, be brilliant and strive.


Discover my new Papillon 12-week Coaching Programme, following the C.A.R.E framework. CLICK HERE

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